I remember growing up and hearing from my grandfather that pain wasn’t always a bad thing, pain was our body’s way of sending us a message. My mother re-inforced this message. She’d tell me to listen to what my body was trying to tell me. I have tried to do this over the years, if I was in discomfort, I’d try and rest instead of forcing myself to keep going. Since being diagnosed with depression many years ago, I’ve tried to apply these lessons to my mental and emotional state of mind too. Today’s song is ‘Beloved’ by Jordan Feliz.
Head full of questions, how can you measure up?
To deserve affection, to ever be enough
For this existence
When did it get so hard?
Your heart is beating, alive and breathing
And there’s a reason why
You are essential, not accidental
And you should realize
You are beloved
I read a Facebook post by Lisa Terkeurst where she talks about how experiencing excruciating pain literally saved her life. Doctors were struggling to find the source of her pain, and she was praying desperately that God would take the pain away. It took 5 days before the doctors found what was wrong, and if the pain had gone away she would have probably been discharged and likely would have died. As I was reading this I was struck by the parallels with emotional pain. Our emotional and mental state are indicative of what is going on inside us. As a culture we tend to ignore or suppress emotional pain, we force ourselves to carry on despite how we are feeling. We don’t give our emotions and mental state the same significance that we give physical issues.
But we all know what happens when we don’t deal with the emotional difficulties we have experienced. We have all seen people over react to relatively minor incidents, we’ve seen excessive rage, difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships, the search for escape through drugs, alcohol and sex. I believe that much of this could be avoided if we deal with our emotional pain like we do with our physical pain.
You are beloved
I wanted you to know
You are beloved
Let it soak into your soul
Oh, forget the lies you heard
Rise above the hurt
And listen to these words
You are beloved
So as I was reading Lisa’s post I realised that I was thankful for my emotional pain and the journey that I am on. If I wasn’t feeling pain, then I wouldn’t be dealing with what has happened over the past couple of years. I have been processing a lot, working with my counselor and drawing closer to God. None of this would happen if I wasn’t experiencing the rejection, loss and sadness that I have been. As my counselor says, if you don’t experience the pain and deal with it now, it will come back at a later stage, and it will be even worse. I can’t just lose a 25 year relationship without consequences. I need to examine myself, find out who I am and acknowledge the depth of the betrayal. And I also need to look for the ways I am healing and growing and strengthening on this journey.
Sometimes a heart can feel like a heavy weight
It pulls you under and you just fall away
Is anybody gonna hear you call?
But there’s a purpose
Under the surface
And you don’t have to drown
Let me remind you
That love will find you
Let it lift you out
I have also drawn closer to God in a way that I have never done before. I am so aware of my need for Him. And as I reach out to Him in distress and sadness, so I allow Him to comfort me, to strengthen me and to guide me. The phrase ‘God will meet you in your need’ is so true for me. At every stage on this journey, God has met me where I’ve needed Him. He has made His presence known through music, friends, the Bible and just a deep sense of peace.
Don’t be afraid
Don’t let hope fade
Keep your eyes fixed on the light above
In the heartbreak, in your mistakes
Nothing can separate you from love
I chose today’s song because I believe that by dealing with our pain, both physical and emotional, we are honoring our bodies and our minds. We are showing love to ourselves. And the more we love ourselves, the more we realize and accept how much God loves us. We are his ‘beloved’, and we are deeply loved.
https://music.apple.com/za/album/beloved/1445666066?i=1445667813
My Song in the Night 