No Impossible

In 2003 I went to a conference called SACLA, the South African Christian Leaders Assembly. It was a momentous occasion, the previous SACLA meeting had been instrumental in the dismantling of apartheid. The 2003 assembly focused on what they termed the ‘7 Giants’ facing the country at the time. These ‘giants’ were so called because they were seemingly insurmountable problems that were facing the country. The ‘giants’ included HIV/AIDS, sexism, racism and poverty to name a few. Since then I have often thought back to the concept of a ‘giant’. Today’s song brought this concept back to me. It’s called ‘No Impossible’ by I Am They. Rend Collective also have a song which is along very similar lines called ‘Every Giant will Fall’.

Right now I’m staring down a giant

Right now I can’t see past my pain

And right now my songs have turned to silence

And You’ve never seemed so far away

But I still believe

I still believe

When I started this journey through the darkness, I thought I knew what my ‘giant’ was. I thought I knew what needed to be overcome, and I was convinced that God could and would win, in the way that I envisaged. But along the journey, the ‘giant’ changed. What initially seemed to clear and obvious, began to take on shades of grey. As prayers weren’t answered in the way that I expected, I found myself sinking lower. If I knew at the start all that I would go through I would have been thrown into despair. I’m very grateful that the depth of the issues facing me only became apparent in stages.

There’s no heart You can’t rescue

No war You can’t win

No story so over, it can’t start again

No pain You won’t use

No wall You won’t break through

It might be too much for me

But there is no impossible with You

With each step I took I gained new perspective. I saw new challenges and nuances that I hadn’t seen before. And yet it felt like I was on an impossible path. No matter what I tried, what I prayed and did, I kept coming up against a wall. There never seemed to be a way through. The Bible verse saying ‘with God all things are possible’ felt like a taunt at times. If that was really true then surely God would hear my prayers and do something!! It is only now that I can see that He was ‘doing something’ all the time. He wasn’t giving me the answers that I was expecting, but He was definitely working.

Right now You’re fighting all my battles

Right now You’re breathing life again

And I know You’re mighty in my weakness

So right now my soul will say amen!

My first prize was definitely that our marriage would be restored, and reignited. But that doesn’t seem to be His plan. What I can say is that without doubt I have seen God work in mysterious ways. I have seen things happen in my kids’ lives that are incredible. I have experienced God like never before. I have come to know myself so much better and love who I am. I have experienced love and grace in a way that is so real, almost tangible. I have seen prayers being answered, and answers to prayers that I didn’t even know I needed to pray.

Your name is greater

Your love is stronger

Your ways are higher

There’s nothing that You can’t do

‘Cause there’s no impossible with You

I am still holding onto the hope that God has a bright future for us. And I still don’t know what it will look like. I do know that God is still working in me and in the situation that I’m in. I don’t know all that He is doing, and I’m guessing that in 5 or 10 years time I will be able to look back and see just how He turned a nightmare into a thing of beauty. I am choosing to believe that He will use all our suffering and pain and sorrow. Perhaps He is creating a masterpiece, or it might just be a drawing to put on the fridge. But I am holding on to the knowledge that He will use this time of trial for a greater good. No matter the outcome, I have learned and seen amazing things. My life going forward can only be richer from this experience.